To that boy in kindergarten with the dark skin, small head and huge ears… you were my first boy friend. We sat together every single day during recess, sharing our snacks and juice boxes. Most days we’d run around the playground until our clothes were drenched in sweat and dirt; but on some days, we’d stay in the classroom and play “house” as if we were a married couple watching tv–using only our lunchboxes and our imagination. You taught me that happiness could come from anything, you taught me to appreciate the little things in life.

To my first crush, you were the cutest boy in 3rd grade. You had a smile that could make any little girl swoon. You were my seat mate, my confidant, and my best friend. We’d play pickup sticks at the school park after class. I liked you, and I thought you liked me too. We would send text messages to each other after class. Everything was great… until I found out you were sending other girls from our class the same exact messages. You were my first heart-break, my first disappointment. You taught me not too trust boys so easily.

To my childhood best friend who would pop in and out of my life in high school, college, and after… you always had a way to make me feel extra comfortable with you. No lies, no secrets and no shame. We were great, our friendship was perfect. But it was just that–friendship. You made me realize that some relationships are better off left platonic. We may not speak regularly, but at every pitfall of my life you have been there. You taught me that there are many versions of love, and love for friends is one of the most beautiful ones.

To my summer love in that foreign country, I’m very grateful that I met a guy like you. It was short, but sweet. That was the most adventure I’ve had in a few days time. You took me around town to see the wonderful sights and your beautiful city lights. I’ll never forget all the fun we had. I’m glad we remain friends. I’m glad we took pictures. Those memories will last forever. Thank you for making me see life through a different glass.

To the boy who always kept me laughing, every moment with you was happy. You were always there for my 4am nocturnal phone calls and for my middle of the night I-need-to-see-you-nows. You would have been the perfect person to be in a relationship with. But it was never like that. And I’m glad it stayed that way between us. It was beautiful and comforting. You have always reminded me that my life isn’t about dwelling on the horrid things that have happened to me, but it is about proving to myself—more than to anyone else—that I am stronger than any difficulty that is thrown at me.

To the most perfect boy I’ve ever met, you were everyone’s best friend. But maybe that was your issue, and maybe mine too, I guess. You made me happy just talking to you but at the same time you made me wonder if I was ever going to be good enough for you. You walked in and out of my life as if it were a mere hallway. You put me on a pedestal, high enough to see the stars; and just like that you dropped me, and I broke–shattered in to a million pieces. But still, you taught me that in this world, only I could pick the pieces up, and only I could put myself back together.

To the boy who was my downfall, I know I should have forgotten about you years ago, but I guess the memories live on in me. I remember how we would share everything together: sucessess, problems and secrets. I remember when we had the best of times, driving to unfamiliar places and drinking the sun and moon away. Temporary happiness always trumped reason when I was with you. But all at the same time, I will remember how you hurt me. I have a scar from being left fractured and changed. With that, I thank you for reminding me not to fall in to the same rabbit hole of my demons ever again.

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The memories with you all are beautiful, honest and raw. Let’s remember the thing with memories is that it twists and turns, and sometimes in the right moments, it can sometimes even make you cry. But you see, I still allow myself to feel nostalgic over all the memories that I have with all of you. I made a promise to myself that I will never forget that I am still young and that I am still brave. And no one, not one of you can change that.

And as for all of you, I hope there still are days when you remember how it was to be happy, alive and real. And I hope a part of your heart remains there forever.